The doubts and uncertainty which
St. Joseph had suffered, laid in him the founda-
tions of the most profound humility, necessary
for him to whom was confided the dispensation
of the most holy counsels of the Lord. The re-
_ membrance of what had passed served as a les-
son for his future life.
Having rendered thanks to the divine Majesty,
the holy man began to reproach himself. ‘“‘O my
divine spouse,” said he, ‘most sweet dove, chosen
by the Most High to be His own mother, how hast
thy unworthy servant dared to call in question
thy fidelity! How could he, who is only dust
and ashes, suffer her who is Queen of Heaven
to serve him? Why have I not kissed the
earth thy steps have trod, and served thee
kneeling? How shall I dare to raise my eyes
in thy presence, or open my lips to speak with
thee! Lord, give me grace, grant me strength
to pray for pardon! Inspire her to show me
94 LIFE OF ST. JOSEPH.
mercy, so that she will not reject her unworthy
servant as he deserves. Alas! how clearly she
must have penetrated all my thoughts: how can
I have the boldness to appear in her presence?
I see now the grossness of my conduct, and my
stupid mistake; and if Thy justice for my chas-
tisement had permitted me to execute my im-
prudent intention, what would not be now
my wretchedness! Thanks to Thee, my God,
throughout eternity, for so great a blessing, I
will present myself to my Princess, my spouse,
confiding in the sweetness of her clemency, and,
prostrate at her feet, I will beseech her pardon,
so that for her sake, Lord, Thou wilt regard me
with pity, and pardon my fault.”
Saint Joseph went forth from his humble
chamber very unlike what he was before his re-
cent slumber. Now he was happy; yet he dared
not disturb our blessed Lady, who was still em-
ployed in the sweets of her contemplation.
While awaiting the favorable moment, the man
of God with tearful eyes unbound the little
packet that he had prepared—-but with senti-
ments far different from those which had pre-
viously occupied him. Having learned the
honor due to our blessed Lady, our saint water-
ed the house with his tears; he swept it and
prepared other little household work, which,
LIFE OF ST. JOSEPH. 95
while ignorant of her dignity, he had intrusted
to the care of his blessed spouse.
He now resolved to change his deportment
towards her, by appropriating to himself the
office of servant, reserving that of mistress for
her majesty. Further on we shall relate the
loving disputes which he had with our queen to
decide which of the two should serve and take
the humbler place. At the proper time the
saint presented himself at the chamber of our
blessed Lady, who awaited his coming with the
sweetness and complacency which we shall
recount in the following chapter. Let us take
an example from St. Joseph, who believed, with-
out delay and without doubting, that which the
angel revealed to him, in such wise that he
merited to be elevated to a great recompense,
and to a sublime dignity. And if he abased
himself with so much humility, not having com-
mitted any sin in what he did, but only in having
been greatly troubled under circumstances which
seemed to give so much occasion for anxiety,
consider how much we ought to humiliate our-
selves—we who are nothing but miserable
worms of the dust—by weeping over our negli-
gences and our sins, so that the Most High may
regard us as father and spouse.
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