Fernando Play... latest and enters Ibn Hud the Red

Finally got down to reading the 4 scenes.  I made a few notes.

Appreciate the time and effort you put in on the project.

Your writing ability shines through in description of the events,

the characters and the era.

The main problem I see is too much back story or exposition.

Many plays have exposition including mine (See Taylor in Viva)

A play requires conflict--the sooner we get to the opening conflict

the better.  The opening conflict I see occurs in The Cortez.

Its possible that one Knight opposed Berenguera's appointment of

of Fernando--prior to assembly's approval.  Maybe even likely.

"He's too young". "inexperienced". We are dealing with a vicious

enemy.  The Knight speaks of cruelty, enslaving women etc, etc.

NOTE.  Berenguera can respond. She opens curtain.  TO: Knight:  Look out

here sir.  Show Fernando in prayer before the Madonna---for two hours.

Other Knights indignant at fellow Knight.  Some more arguments follow.

Until finally all assembly voices approve except 2 votes with Dona Barengeura.

To get to the Cortez scene.  I would reduce the the exposition as follows:

You do a good job in the back story in Scene One.  However, my

preference is for a modern day Narrator telling the story. That way

he or she can come on stage a number of times.  Also some 

theaters avoid one scene actors--to keep costs down.

This would also apply to 10 year old Fernando.  I would replace him 

with 16 year old Fernando.   Maybe he is asking Berenguera about

his illness when he was young.  She explains what happened, etc,

I would keep A/B Rodrigo Jiminez scene with 16 year old Fernando.

Also keep Fernando dialog with his Mother on his Grandfather.

And his uncles death.  That would lead up to the Cortez scene.

Scene 3,  I see Fernando's marriage occurring after 1 or 2 battles.

Bottom Line;  I would reduce the exposition.  I would keep sentences

short in dialog or exposition.  It is easier for the actors to say.

        

That's about it Fred.  Hope this helps.  

All the best,

 

Scene 1

Narrator: 

After 7 centuries, Queen Isabella's husband Fernando named after the greatest Catholic king in history has just completed the longest crusade against the invaders of our land by defeating the last stronghold of the Moorish enemy in Granada. She knew that if it wasn't for generations of heroes this day would never have come. She must have remembered how her great-great-great-grandfather the saintly King Fernando III and his grandfather were the cornerstone of this day that ending today after 740 years. But without her great-great-great grandmother Queen Berenguera's trust in God's mercy and her giving her son Fernando to Our Lady we would have completed the 700 crusade for Christ and Christoper Columbus have opened a new world to bring the salvation of Christ. 

 

Her great ancestor Donna Berenguera in tears was kissing her son just a boy with a body covered with cruel sores causing him unrelieved torture at the door of death. She made a decision then to take him to the Church of Our Lady of Ona to beg the Blessed Mother for the life of Fernando that saved Spain from the invaders and opened the door to a new world being evangelized  for Christ.

Faded away. 

Berenguera in tears at the church with Fernando lying in front of her and Our Lady of Ona behind him, she cries out: 

Mistress of Heaven, remember that you are the Mother of Mercy! Turn your eyes away from my sin as a queen and consider my sufferings as a mother. I know well the mercy of thy Son. You, my Mother, who suffered these same sorrows help me in my need. The reason for his affliction is the punishment for my sins forgive my sins.

Look, oh Mother at this my son because he's yours and never was it heard that whoever is yours and trust in you was left desolate and unaided. Remember that he is your servant and you must cure him if you desire any service of him. 

Berenguera then is quiet with her hands folded in prayer and her head on her hands and then she looks at her son. The sores are gone and she weeps for joy seeing Fernando sitting up cured and she makes the sign of the cross and says:

Thank you, Mother and Queen of Heaven, for my son sores are gone and he is as unblemished as the day he was born. I can see his soul is changed for I see his eyes now shine with a deep light that is proof that you have accepted him as your son and he has eternally chosen you your Son as his King and you as his Queen. 

My God, You and your most Blessed Mother have condescended to answer my prayers. He is now  your servant and son. 

Fade away.

Scene change and a 16 year old Fernando says to his mother:

Thank you for telling me again how Our Lady of miraculously cured me and you consecrated me to her I thank you for your love for me and I thank Holy Mary for her love for you and me. But most of all I thank the King of Kings, 

Berenguera smiles saying: 

I love you very much but she loves you even more and you are consecrated to her and her Son 

Fernando relies: 

Mother as soon as I become a tall man I will build in my land a very great church and will call it Holy Mary  and when I return for making war against the Moors who have invaded our Land and winning great winning great battles I will retake our invaded land and I will hang all their standards before the altar of our Lady.

The boy Fernando's eyes shined as he as he asks the warrior Archbishop:

Tell again me what happened that day when my grandfather King Alfonso saved Spain from total destruction.

Archbishop Rodrigo Jimenez de Rada: 

Remember what your great grandfather and grandfather faced, the Moors desire to destory the Christian kingdom while raping and taking of our wifes, sisters, and daughters as sex slaves as well as trophy beheadings and massacres that were continual. They cut off the knights head dead or alive and send them to the theirs principle towns of the Muslim empire. Sometimes the skulls and corpses were to huge piles of bloody mass.

With this in mind, what you grandfather with his small Christian army proposed to do was courageous sheer madness when he readied to charge down into a Muslim combined army of over a hundred thousand as his troops seemed ready to crumble. 

I remember the battle was seemingly almost lost, your grandfather shouted, "Archbishop, let you and me die here!" I roared back, "Here you shall defeat the enemy! 

He burst into into the battle-lines where we were about to be defeated and the whole battle turned. Seeing your fearless grandfather, the other three kings rallied their knights, with the Christian of banners of Santiago and Our Lady and broke through the line and the Moors huge army fled or were killed. Spain miraculously by Our Lord and Our Lady was saved  

Berenguera beaming says: 

Your grandfather and the archbishop saved Spain, but Our Lady saved you when you were a boy covered with layers of sores of disease and corruption and you belong to Christ the King through her and you will do great things for her.

Scene change next paragraph 

Berenguera is crying but says to Fernando:

My son, all of Castile is in mourning for the death of your grandfather the king yet you do not weep. Son at the funeral mass after receiving our Lord and holy Communion you seemed a million miles away 

Fernando:

Mother, Jesus Christ spoke to me and I spoke to him I told him that he is my king and I am his Knight who will suffer great labors for him in the wars against the Moors I want to shed my blood for him told him and that of his glorious mother 

Sometime later...

Knight to Fernando: 

Count Alvaro is invading Castile with plans to attack you Mother castle. You and I must  from your father’s clutches because he is just a pawn and a puppets in Alvaro's plan to rule Castile.

Fernando: Let's us ride like the wind so we can defend my mother. Alvaro because he has my uncle Enrique the king under his control that he can destroy my mother. He will have to kill me first.

Fernando arriving looking for his mother asks Archbishop Ximenez: 

Where is my mother and who will soon be my queen, as I was racing to her I was thinking of how she and Our Lady saved me when I was a boy. I rushed here because I know she will be queen with the death of my uncle Enrique. I'm here to defend her against the approaching traitor Count Alvaro and his army who wants to steal the crown. I want nothing more than to defend her honor, my future queen. 

Berenguera: My son, your uncle is dead has put in motion many things. Count Alvaro has convinced your father to war with us to make himself King of Castile as a pawn of the Count.

Archbishop Ximenez: Fernando the Cortes, members of the Cortes and nobles are in assembly they are going to crown the queen of Castile.

Berenguera: My son, your uncle is dead by a accident that has put in motion many things. Count Alvaro has convinced your father to war with us to make himself King of Castile as a pawn of the Count. Castile must act quickly as the armies of Alvaro and your father are invading. 

Archbishop Ximenez approaches Fernando seated next to Dona Berenguera seated on the throne. He whispers to her. The Archbishop joins the assembly. 

Dona Berenguera: I have an announcement to make to the Cortes. As you can see my son arrived from Leon. I would like you and him to hear what I have to say. 

Berenguera says in front of the assembly of nobles and clergy: 

I renounced the throne in favor of her son you must  proclaimed him king with Fernando looking shocked. Nobleman and knights present in this church. I am grateful for the honor bestowed upon me this day. However my reign as Queen will be short. Therefore let it be known with your consent and witness I intend to renounce my claim to the throne of Castile. A prolonged applause

Fernando: What must do now that you have made me king at the age of 18?

Berengurera: You must pray to Our Lady and Our Lord and ask them what they want of you as king.

Fernando in church on his knees praying deep into the night: 

On the day you have made me a King and Knight, what do you want of me? 

“Christ, my Lord, I am in Thy hands, the same way this sword is in mine.   Show me, my King, what Thou wants of this your knight.”

In the silence and stillness of the night, St Ferdinand heard Christ answer him:

I want to make your whole life like a representation and marvellous parable so that the coming centuries may contemplate the war that I, Eternal King and Universal Lord, wage against the powers of darkness, to conquer the entire earth for my Father.   

You will be one of history’s most gifted and formidable warriors. You will spend your entire life in the service of God.

You will never lose a battle and will be personally absolutely invincible conquering hearts and minds as completely as he did cities and strongholds as you rescue your own country. By your chivalry, loyalty and generosity of character.

Scene 3

One year later, Fernando who loved and reverenced his mother as a saintly and wise woman turning to her said:

I needed your prayers and wisdom to govern as Our Queen in Heaven want me this last year to get our kingdom to be safe and lawful, but now I need you to take over administrative duties so I can on put on my armour, grip my sword and ride forth to free Spain of the invaders who destroy our churches and make sex slaves of our captured woman.  

Berenguera: I agree that that is what the King of Kings to calling you to do now. 

Scene 4

The big imposing Gonzalo Ruiz and a group of soldiers carrying long make sift ladders follow Fernando creeping quietly forward with crickets singing in the background.

Fernando: Sing, little creatures of God, sing, cover the sound of our hidden advance to the great walls of Quesada sitted on a high hill and steep ridges.

They arrive at a great wall.

Army Captain Gonzalo Ruiz: The guards on the wall are still not aware of us. I will be the first up the ladder. The king must guarded well while I climb.

Suddenly Fernando thrusts aside Ruiz and lays his hands upon a rung and set it against the and starts climbing.

Fade out.

Fernando climbing over wall. Two Moor guards with scimitars swords attack him from behind. He turns with his sword flying and the first tumbles over the wall and the second after a brief sword play falls to the ground. More Moor soldiers are rushing in as Ruiz and other climb over the wall and join the fight. The king goes headlong straight in the attacker with the rest following him.

Moor guard: It's the king. Ignore the rest and everyone attack him. 

Fernando is surrounded. A weapon whizzes past his head as he duck and the two more guards fall as Ruiz and the rest run and drop the rest. The rest of the Moors run. Once the way the King opens the gate.

Fernando shouts: Santiago and Castile! Enter the city Christain army.

Fade out. 

Standing next to a exhausted Fernado is Ruiz as Archbishop Rodrigo plants the victorious Cross of Christ flag of Castile.

Ruiz: My king you must rest now. You have fought tirelessly throughout the night to win your first victory against the Moors.

Fernando smiles as his breathing returns to normal and the look of intense battle fury recedes from his face and he looks at he Croos of Christ flag: 

My Lord God who the hearts of of all. You know I desire only the growth of the faith and the Catholic religion, rather than the conquest of kingdoms.

Ruiz: Now, we have awaken the sleeping giant Ibn Hud the Red with his great army with his red battle flags signaling the blood that flow in his conquest of Moorish Spain who had soon meet us in a battle to the death for the soul of Spain.