inally got down to reading the 4 scenes. I made a few notes.
Appreciate the time and effort you put in on the project.
Your writing ability shines through in description of the events,
the characters and the era.
The main problem I see is too much back story or exposition.
Many plays have exposition including mine (See Taylor in Viva)
A play requires conflict--the sooner we get to the opening conflict
the better. The opening conflict I see occurs in The Cortez.
Its possible that one Knight opposed Berenguera's appointment of
of Fernando--prior to assembly's approval. Maybe even likely.
"He's too young". "inexperienced". We are dealing with a vicious
enemy. The Knight speaks of cruelty, enslaving women etc, etc.
NOTE. Berenguera can respond. She opens curtain. TO: Knight: Look out
here sir. Show Fernando in prayer before the Madonna---for two hours.
Other Knights indignant at fellow Knight. Some more arguments follow.
Until finally all assembly voices approve except 2 votes with Dona Barengeura.
To get to the Cortez scene. I would reduce the the exposition as follows:
You do a good job in the back story in Scene One. However, my
preference is for a modern day Narrator telling the story. That way
he or she can come on stage a number of times. Also some
theaters avoid one scene actors--to keep costs down.
This would also apply to 10 year old Fernando. I would replace him
with 16 year old Fernando. Maybe he is asking Berenguera about
his illness when he was young. She explains what happened, etc,
I would keep A/B Rodrigo Jiminez scene with 16 year old Fernando.
Also keep Fernando dialog with his Mother on his Grandfather.
And his uncles death. That would lead up to the Cortez scene.
Scene 3, I see Fernando's marriage occurring after 1 or 2 battles.
Bottom Line; I would reduce the exposition. I would keep sentences
short in dialog or exposition. It is easier for the actors to say.
That's about it Fred. Hope this helps.
All the best,
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